This One Is For Dilla
Servin' In The Kitchen

Lyte Reading

Humanity Critic recently posted a funny yet hip-hop-related story of an after-sex conversation he and his girlfriend had on the subject of the "Greatest Female Hip-Hop Album Of All Time." It's a great read and I submitted this write-up as a candidate for the "Best Music Writing 2008."

Humanity Critic seemed to frown at Salt-N-Pepa's first album, Hot, Cool & Vicious, as being the "Greatest Female Hip-Hop Album Of All Time," but I think that for most people it's the most obvious choice, plus, it's a damn good album. Also, S-N-P's A Salt With a Deadly Pepa is an underrated classic in my book.

However, Humanity Critic's pick was Queen Latifah's debut LP, All Hail the Queen, which also is a great rap album.

HumanityCritic: I'd have to go with Queen Latifah's All Hail the Queen. As strongly as I feel that she should never recite poetry over beats again, I'm pretty confident that her debut album is the best female Hip Hop album of all time.

The Girlfriend: Damn, good choice: "Wrath of my Madness," "Mama Gave Birth to the Soul Children," "Dance For Me" -- you don't get much of an argument here.

HumanityCritic: I knew there was a reason I liked you.

The Girlfriend: If you liked me so much, you'd stop reciting Kool G Rap lyrics in my ear while we're fucking.

HumanityCritic: I don't like you that much.

Aww, now that's love.

My overall pick of the "Greatest Female Hip-Hop Album Of All Time" goes to MC Lyte's 1988 debut LP, Lyte As a Rock. It was a collection that boasts two of my favorite bangers, "Paper Thin" and the title track. I also had a HUGE crush on the gold doorknocker earrings-wearing, perm-hairstyle having femcee[sic], as well.

I loved the line on "Paper Thin":
"Maybe we'll kiss on the fifth or sixth date/
Then when we meet -- muuuwaah/
Because a date without kiss is just so incomplete/
And then maybe, I'll let you play with my feet."

I have a fetish for women's feet so sucking on MC Lyte's toes wouldn't have been a dream come true, and quite tasty. But I digress . . .

I have a little story to tell:

In 1987, I went to a "Stay in School" jam that featured MC Lyte as the headliner. I vowed to myself that I was going to attend that show and asked MC Lyte to be my girlfriend.
**Keep in mind that I was a prepubescent and hormonal 17-year-old rap head looking to get laid by anyone and anything.**

I attended the concert and I was standing front-and-center waiting for the love of my life to hit the stage. And there she was -- doorknocker earrings and all -- MC Lyte. Long story short, the Brooklyn rapstress rocked the show.

But during Lyte's performance, she decided to step onto the edge of the stage and perform "Paper Thin." When she did that, I grabbed a hold of her leg and proceeded to massage her extremity as I looked lovingly into her eyes. As I moved up from her muscular leg to the back of her thigh, our eyes met. Lyte looked a little worried -- scratch that -- she was uncomfortable with me rubbing on her leg. And then with one swift swoop, Lyte pressed her sneaker on my forehead and kicked the shit out of me. Now that was a "10% 100% Dis."

After that, my schoolboy crush for MC Lyte was quickly distinguished. The L-Y-T-E wasn't feeling ya boy.

But I did come home with a souvenir after the concert. When I looked in the mirror . . .

MC Lyte's dusty sneaker footprint was clearly visible on my forehead.

Now that's love.

MC Lyte -- "When In Love" (Music Video)

MC Lyte -- "Paper Thin" (Music Video)

MC Lyte -- "Ruff Neck" (Music Video)

MC Lyte -- "Wonder Years" (Music Video)